I was a little disappointed nobody matched the heroic efforts of Catherine Taylor-Dawson, of the Vote For Yourself Rainbow Dream Ticket Party, who managed to get just one vote in Cardiff North in 2005, apparently a record low for any candidate in a general election since universal suffrage. And she wasn’t even registered there!

According to some polls, Cameron won, or at the very least tied with Clegg. Which is odd, because to my biased eyes, he looked hilariously worried whenever the others were talking. He often wore a face like the Fat Controller trying to wee through a Hula Hoop without splashing the sides, in fact.

Thousands of people take photos every day. What if one of them seems odd?

Do you think that person is committing a crime? They probably are, most people are terrorists. Do you think ‘what a loony’? Do you sigh at the strange habits of foreigners? Do you think, a lá train spotting, that some people have very odd habits indeed? Do you report potential terrorist activity to the police and risk ruining the life of a person on a false accusation that you would have to repeat in court? What if the person looked like this? Or this? How about this one?

From the press release:

Terrorists use chemicals. Do you know someone buying large or unusual quantities of chemicals for no obvious reason?

When I next meet a terrorist purchasing unusual quantities of chemicals I will ask, ‘Why?’ and they will reply, ‘there is no obvious reason,’ and I shall say, ‘Oh, well I guess I had better report you then,’ and the country will be safer.

Thank heavens for this publicity.